I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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