Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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