New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
