She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
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