On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
