Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
