yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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