but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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