There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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