I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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