I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize