my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
