Is it normal to miss your booty call?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
