nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
