Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
