Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize