I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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