Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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