He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
