Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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