and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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