Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
