is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Your dad touched me again.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
