I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She's JV to your varsity
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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