He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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