I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
