Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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