So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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