He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
