the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Panties = found
Randomize
