I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
