Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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