i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
