there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
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