would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I think I died a long time ago.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You made out with two different species that night
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
