where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
