Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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