you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
