dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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