I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
