They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
