i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Randomize
