I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We got so high we made milksteak
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
