Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
