there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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