I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
