i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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