Plan B is the new Plan A
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
