if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
