i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
