Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My feet surprised me
Randomize
