You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
