actually, I'm a sock model
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
