I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
youre lurking in front of me
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
