I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
