considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I want to be your penis for a week.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
