I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
