every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
