it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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