If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize