Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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