I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
