Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
