so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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