Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
