I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
