Umm I'm too high to move.
420 ftw
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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