woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize