i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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